Edward the Unicorn
by BananasMakeMeLaugh
Summary: Emmett and Alice got this great plan to watch Charlie the Unicorn. Oh no...


Author's Notes

Katy: It's 12:30 and we've been up since 9:30 playing Apples to Apples!!

Kat: Yikes. Also, if you read our other fanfiction then we're sorry about the whole line dilemma.

Katy: We came off a bit crazy...

Kat: Actually we were coming off a crack high...JK!!

Katy: To the disclaimer!

Disclaimer (we like to mark stuff clearly):

Katy: We own Twilight! And New Moon and Eclipse!

Kat: Absolutely! Lets make this point clearer to our viewers (stated in a commercial announcers voice).

Katy: So we went to the store (or in my case, to amazon . net(it's dot com!))

Kat: Sorry...that was a home star runner inside joke...but then we picked out the book, handed it to the store clerk (sad that it was away from us...I mean me) and she then handed it back!

Katy: I used paypal (Kat used cash-ola)!! Then we received the books and recipts. Thank you for shopping at Kroger!

Kat: Oops, sorry. Bit hyper...just a bit...I swear!

Katy: Then we technically owned them! Yay!

Kat: But we didn't write them...so _really _they belong to faithful Stephenie Meyer...who _still _won't give the legal rights to anyone...

Katy: Back to us! And on with the story!!

* * *

EPOV

I was sitting on the couch in my house with Bella, watching T.V. (though not really paying much attention to the T.V. More so I was paying attention to Bella). Really I should have been listening to the thoughts of my family and other surrounding things. That way I would have been prepared for what happened next.

"Edward!" Emmett burst through the entryway to the livingroom. Alice was trailing behind him. "We're going on an adventure. An adventure, Edward!"

All of a sudden Bella burst into hysterical laughter. She joined in on the fun.

"Yeah Edward. We found a map to-" She was cut off by Alice.

"Blood Bank Mountain!!"

"What?!" Bella and I screamed in horror.

"Don't worry," Emmett stage whispered, "it's animal blood."

"Okay, whatever. You go on your adventure to 'Blood Bank Mountain.' I'm just gonna, you know, watch T.V."

"Noooooo!" The scream came from behind us and before I knew what was happening, I was tackled to the ground. "You _have _to come with us to Blood Bank Mountain, Eddie."

"Jasper, get off me!" Bella was laughing uncontrollably now.

"But Edward! Come with us to Blood Bank Mountain," Emmett whined.

"Yeah, it's a land of blood, and joy, and...bloodiness," Bella laughed out.

Jasper had finally gotten off of me and I was standing up, glaring at everyone that was in on my demise. What scheme were they up to? And how did Bella get in on it?

"Blood Bank Mountain, Edward." Bella gave me her best puppy dog pout. My heart melted. That was a mistake.

"Fine," I snapped. "I'll go."

Next thing I knew, I was following Emmett through the forest. He was skipping like a little girl. From what I saw though, it looked like we were heading for the meadow.

"La la la. La la la la la. La la la," Alice sang off tune.

"Ah! Stop with the awful singing already!" It was really starting to piss me off.

"Well geez, groucho. Play nice will you," Alice scowled. "By the way, our first stop is over here."

"Stop? What for? I'm not-" I stopped dead when I saw the creature ahead of us. Listening to 'its' thoughts, I was able to determine what 'it' was. "Rosalie? What in God's name are you _doing?_"

"Edward! She doesn't speak English. This is the magical leoplurodon!" Emmett stated this in a hushed voice. "She'll point out the way to Blood Bank Mountain."

"Uh huh," I said skeptically.

"Rawr," Rosalie said and pointed to the left.

"She has shown us the way," Bella said, leaning over my shoulder and pointing us in the direction that Rosalie had pointed.

"I don't think she's right," I stated.

Alice gaped. "Shun the non truster!"

"Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-n," They all said, clearly articulating the 'n' at the end of the word.

"W-o-w." I continued following Emmett to my dismay. It was making Bella happy so I went along with it. I figured I could manage whatever was going to happen.

Minutes later, I found us to be standing on one of those small white bridges you see in gardens every now and then.

"It's just over this bridge, Edward," Jasper cooed in a dreamy, high pitched voice. "This magical bridge of hope and wonder.

"Sure it is. By the way, who does this belong to? I mean should we actually be on this thing?"

"Edward?" Emmett's voice was high pitched like Jasper's. "Edward?! EDW-"

"What?!" His voice was starting to get _really _annoying by now.

"WE'RE ON A BRIDGE, EDWARD!" Everyone cried out at once. I slowly brought my hand up to pinch the bridge (A/N: Get it?) of my nose.

We ran a bit further until we reached our destination point. It _was _the meadow.

"We're here!" Bella exclaimed. I looked over at where she was looking and saw a poorly constructed 'mountain' painted red with letters saying "Blood Bank Mountain" on it.

"Well what do know," I said sarcastically, "there really _is _a Blood Bank Mountain."

They all smiled in acceptance. Boy, did I have them fooled.

"Blood Bank Mountain! Blood Bank Mountain!" Alice was singing quite off pitch now. It was worse than before. "Fill me with sweet, salty goodness."

"Go inside the cave, Edward." Bella started egging me on.

"Yeah, go inside the cave," Jasper agreed.

I quickly slipped Bella off of my back and contemplated what _could _happen. Alice smiled and said, "Magical things will behold when you enter." This was starting to sound like a horror movie. I began to get nervous.

"Thanks but no thanks. I'll stay right here." I sat down to prove my point.

"But you _have _to enter the Blood Bank Mountain cave, Edward!" Right as Emmett said that, the strangest thing happened. Jacob jumped out from behind the mountain. He was holding a boom box and when he pushed the play button, this sort of carnival music could be heard coming out of it. If I was human, I thought I might have thrown up. As soon as the music started, the five 'people' in front of me pulled out signs with letters on them, taped them to their chests, and got in a line so that the letters spelled BLOOD. The scariest part was, they then started singing and dancing.

**Author Warning: May contain morbid, gross, content. Turn away now! Jk...**

_Oh when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right on up to the Blood Bank Mountain cave._

_When you get inside you'll find yourself a dreadful land, such a down and depressing and very mournful land._

_They've got elk and deer and mountain lion and many things. Oh so many things they might brighten up your day._

_It's impossible to wear a scowl in Blood Bank Town. It's impeccible to love our bloody cave!_

_They've got bear and sheep and cow and cat and little pigs, bloody furs, bloody skins, it's a wonderland of tastes._

_Ride the Blood train into town and see the half dead band, with their friends all in line as they die across the land._

_Blood red smoke clouds stream across the sky then to the ground, turn around, it astounds! Look a dancing lion pelt._

_In our Blood Bank cave our cravings go round wild and free, so now Edward please just frickin go into the cave!_

**Author Reminder: The song is over now! You may continue!**

I stood there gaping as all five of them disappeared over the 'mountain.' Annoyed as I was I screamed, "Alright! You win! I'll go into the frickin cave..." Once I entered I heard maniacal laughter from the entrance. I turned in time to see Bella smile wickedly over at me. Though I noticed Emmett wasn't with them.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said in a sneering tone. The door on the cave shut and locked me in. But no matter how hard I beat on the stone, nothing happened. I think they made it of diamond. All of a sudden I heard a voice from behind me.

"Nighty night, Edward." I was suddenly struck by something metal. "What? You didn't pass out! Now we can't steal your kidney."

"Emmett! Number one, I'm a vampire, I can't go unconsious. Number two, what in the world would you use my kidney for? And number three...HOW DID YOU ALL COME UP WITH THIS INSANE IDEA?!"

Emmett sighed in defeat. "Come on. I'll show you."

Once home, everyone quickly settled next to the computer in Emmett's room. I had absolutely no possible idea what could have given him the idea to take me to a mountain, sing to me, attempt to knock me out, and _then _try to steal my kidney. This had better be a good explanation or I was seriously going to strangle someone. Emmett clicked on a link to a site called and clicked a few more till he found the page he was looking for. "Aha!"

"What is it?" I looked over his shoulder to see a white cartoon unicorn being pestered by two pink and purple unicorns. At the end, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to laugh, or strangle someone. Alice must have seen a vision of me strangling someone because she immediately said, "I've gotta go...do something...that's not here."

I silently fumed for a few seconds before yelling, "You got your idea from a stupid cartoon about unicorns?!"

Emmett shrunk back in his seat. "Yes..." I then burst out in laughter.

"You guys, are the weirdest people I've met in my life!"

* * *

**A few days later...**

The Charlie the Unicorn fad had finally subsided. And once again, Bella and I were sitting on the couch watching T.V. That was, until Emmett burst into the room.

"OMFG! They made a Charlie the Unicorn 2!"

Here we go again.

Author's Notes...Again!

Kat: So we forgot to mention something vital in our disclaimer as some of you may have noticed...

Katy: We forgot to mention that WE DON'T OWN CHARLIE THE UNICORN!!

Kat: Though whenever I try to watch it on my Zune...it crashes...sigh

Katy: Well I hoped you liked it!

Kat:Remember to review! (It really isn't hard you know...)

Katy: By the way...we fixed our box problemo on our other story so go check it out!


End file.
